Invisibility without an invisibility cloak

Some days I feel like I am the most invisible person on Earth. On other days I wish I am invisible. But either way I know very well how both of these feelings feel. I don’t know when it started, but thinking about it now, if I look back all the way to primary school, I wasn’t invisible back then, I was just ignored.

Is being invisible and being ignored the same thing?

I have always wondered how people can completely ignore someone to the point where they feel like they are invisible. I don’t know how people do it, I don’t know how people can be so cruel, all I know it that people do it to me a lot.

I was never the victim of bullying, well never to my face anyway. I don’t know if it happened behind my back and I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I can see how awful bullying can be for people and what it can do to people and their self-esteem, but being ignored, I personally think, is a lot worse than bullying. I think that when people ignore other people, it is bullying, deliberate, on purpose, hurtful bullying because when you are left out of something and when that something turns into everything, then isn’t that ultimately hurting someone’s feelings – a.k.a. the definition of bullying?

During primary school I never found a solid group of friends, I was always a traveller, every recess and lunch time, always looking for someone to talk to and eat with. Until I found a great friend who I will call Ms. C. We were great friends and I thought my days of drifting was over, but than her family packed up and leaved, leaving me adrift again. Ms. C and I are still close friends even if we never see each other and do go weeks and months of not talking to each other.

In high school, things were different. I was definitely still a drifter, but this time I found myself drifting from group of friends to group of friends. Then in the last 2 and a half years of high school I finally found a home with a group of friends. I was no longer a drifter, I was no longer invisible. But then high school ends, university and work and all of that starts and everything changes again.

Now I am invisible to my friends and most of the time, I am invisible to my family. Only when they need something from me, like a lift somewhere, or someone to go to the doctors with them, or cook them something do they get in contact with me. And what’s worse, in the last 3 years as I have been studying at home for my university degree, I can count on one hand how many time my friends and family have asked me what I am studying and how it is going.

I am the invisible girl without a Harry Potter invisibility cloak.

Stick around…

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